I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
