Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
