wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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