I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
