I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
