Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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