Kareoke will never be a sober sport
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
