so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
