tell your sister to shave her snatch
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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