Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
