my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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