We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Are we still banned from the library?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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