if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
