It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
