This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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