So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
It was like giving head to a cactus.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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