it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
