Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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