Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
it hurts more in the daytime
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
