I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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