Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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