That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
