My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Boobs speak an international language.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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