dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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