Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
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