Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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