You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
