its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
