Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
You have to summon your inner elephant
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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