More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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