Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
