explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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