I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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