u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
