I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
