i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize