Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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