I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
