Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
