My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
My feet surprised me
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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