It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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