if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
