I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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