you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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