I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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