I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
