just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
