wakey wakey hands off snakey
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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