Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
