We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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