Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
My feet surprised me
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