i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
