I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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