She is in my trunk
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
People with herpes should wear stickers.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Dignity is for republicans.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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