i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
