Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
