i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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