I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
