Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
