My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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