Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
