i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
