if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
