I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
