i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
