My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize