why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
