Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
