Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Randomize
