I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
