Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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