I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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