Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Randomize
