He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
